Firstly let’s just talk about the most shocking moment: Lady Gaga can actually sing. Sure there were some flat notes in there (that last one) but overall her voice stunned me.
Secondly, Graham Moore’s acceptance speech for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game where he urged all kids who might be contemplating suicide to stay here, stay weird and stay different was THE most moving moment of the night. I hope at least one fantastic weirdo heard him and decides to stay.
Margot Robbie was the first person I saw and she set the bar so incredibly high not many people came near. She’s my pick for best dressed, because she made what could look like a nightgown from an episode of Dynasty look sleek, sexy and totally amazing. Her hair, makeup and that amazing necklace was everything.
Left to right: Margot Robbie, Reese Witherspoon, Rosamund Pike and Jenna Dewan Tatum
Also, is Margot giving some kind of signal to someone with that hand gesture?
I predicted more sparkle and more black for Reese but I’m happy to be proven wrong with this study in elegance. Simple, gorgeous, yes. It’s blue right? It’s hard to tell in the pics.
Rosamund was a welcome surprise in red, ditching her black and white palette for this dramatic dress. With the scalloped edges, embroidery, and split there’s a bit going on and it could have gone wrong, it really could have, but it all works to show her off to perfection. Love the haughty pose too.
And there was a lot of white out there but I think Jenna did it best. Fresh, with some icy sparkles and that belt, she looks like a snowflake. In a good way. Her hair and makeup is on point too, love the slick middle part and strong brows.
From left to right: Lupita Nyong’o, Faith Hill, Julianne Moore, Anna Faris and Octavia Spencer
Also in white, Lupita, who wore a dress made of 6000 pearls and rocked it like absolutely no one else ever could.
I quite like Faith’s long sleeves and her short hair.
Julianne sparkles in custom Chanel. The beading gives the illusion of a drop waist, giving the dress a 20s vibe. She looks gorgeous but I’m not 100 per cent on board. It washes her out a tad.
Anna is pure princess! She’s in the same designer (Zuhair Murad) as Jenna Dewan Tatum and Chrissy Teigen – it must be all about the sparkle in that design house! I am ok with that.
And the ruching and draping of Octavia’s dress is so pretty, even if I’m not a fan of the triangles on the bust.
From left to right: Zoe Saldana, Viola Davis, Gwyneth Paltrow, Anna Kendrick
Three months after having twins and Zoe is not only out of the house but all dressed up. I’m not a fan of the straps but I do like the crossover drapey bits.
Oh Viola. I predicted marsala, I was wrong. The neckline and the necklace is a bit much for me. Strapless would have improved things a bit.
Just FYI I have real trouble spelling Gwyneth. I always put the e in the wrong place. Just another example of how Gwyneth continues to make me feel inadequate in every way. I do not love that massive flower but if anyone can make it work she can.
And I love Anna in peach.
From left to right: Keira Knightley, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, Chloe Moretz
Keira continues her floral motif. It’s better than the Globes situation.
Jennifer Lopez is having her princess moment. I love that dress, I really do, but not sold on it for her.
I win 50 per cent of my prediction for Jen A, she’s not in black but she does have her hair out. With the result that there is a strap on one shoulder of her dress you can’t see because: hair. However I am enjoying that she’s gone with some structure and the glitz is working for her.
Not a fan of Chloe’s bedspread-esque floral dress.
From left to right: Felicity Jones, Chrissy Teigen, Laura Dern and Naomi Watts
Sorry Felicity, but as soon as you go for that high neck look I’m out.
Chrissy, wowsers. There’s a lot going on here, not least of all that massive split that makes me hope for her sake there were no high speed winds on that carpet. She’s gorgeous but that split is too much.
Laura Dern has gone gladiator a slightly scary, heavy looking metallic dress, that nevertheless looks fantastic on her.
Naomi’s dress has been described has looking like a wall of bricks. I concur with that assessment but reserve the right to like it.
From left to right: Emma Stone, Jennifer Hudson, Nicole Kidman and Scarlett Johansson
I did say I wanted to see Emma in Elie Saab, but I’m certain I did not order chartreuse! I can’t stand this colour in real life, but for one night, in sparkles, on the unique and fabulous Emma Stone I’ll give it a pass. She has the ability to take something that should be complete shit and make it shiny. Love her.
Jennifer Hudson is pretty inoffensive in a yellow column dress.
Nicole Kidman what. Your dress is like a hologram and also the bottom looks like you were shipwrecked for days before arriving on the red carpet. The red sash is the best thing about it.
Has someone saved Scarlett from the flesh eating plant that’s attached to her neck yet?
From left to right: Dakota Johnson, Diane Kruger, Dorith Mous, Giuliana Rancic
Dakota looks sleek and sexy, even if I think the pony tail should have been styled up a bit.
Diane Kruger totally killing a red pant suit and cape contraption at the Vanity Fair party.
Who in the name is Dorith Mous? Um, I like her hair?
Giuliana does look great in red, even if it is a bit ballroom dancing championship 1987 up top there.
From left to right: Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Kate Upton, Jessica Chastain and Sienna Miller
Oh Cate. Taking turquoise and putting it front and centre like a boss. I love it. It takes an otherwise plain black gown and lifts it.
Meryl is all business. I love this too – sleek but feminine.
Kate Upton is making that black dress #work at the Vanity Fair party. In love with the structure of the bodice.
I feel like if we just peeled off the cowl part of Jessica’s dress things would be much better. That colour though – so great on her.
And damn it, I want to hate this (because Sienna) but I can’t. I love that the fabric seems to have a shimmer to it, probably one of those dresses that’s even better up close.
From left to right: Rashida Jones, Sofia Vergara, Gina Rodriguez and Julianne Hough with Nina Dobrev
So Rashida seems to do this floral deep v combo a bit. That’s all I’m going to say.
Sofia Vergara wow. Embellished, figure hugging and that colour, it’s all working.
Gina looks so pretty but is this dress Oscar material? It wouldn’t look out of place at many formals these days. However, I do like it.
And besties Julianne and Nina both look beautiful, although I’m Team Dobrev for life.
Now for my least favourites.
From left to right: Kerry Washington, Heidi Klum, Gaga and Marion Cotillard
Kerry Washington whyyyyyy is this happening? The mix of textures just isn’t working.
Heidi Klum ugh. This is my least favourite. This is not the Grammys or VMAs, put your lady bits away Heidi.
Gaga is gaga but those red gloves oh my LOL. Lol. Just LOL.
And the back of Marion’s dress looks very similar to an outfit that my seven month old niece might wear. That is: a nappy.
On to the men. A tux is a tux is a tux, right? There’s not much room for individuality, but some guys pull it off better than others.
From left to right: Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, Chris Pratt and Steve Carrell
I’m finding Bradley’s shiny face a bit disturbing tbh. It looks a bit…interfered with?
Haiiii Channing Tatum, love you in a suit, even if it is with weird bouffy hair. Please make your hair do something different. Thanks.
Chris Pratt – so cute.
And Steve – I loooove him in red carpet mode. His tailoring is amazing.
From left to right: Common, Eddie Redmayne, Keith Urban and John Stamos
Velvet looks good on Common.
I like the deep navy on Eddie, THE most adorably dorkish Oscar winner ever.
Keith. Your hair is out of control and this pose is just too funny.
Soooo. What was John Stamos doing there? His red pocket square is actually a bit distracting, but he does cut a fine figure.
From left to right: Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, Ethan Hawke and Kevin Hart
Michael. Stop ruining your nice red carpet look by chewing gum all the time. Ergh, I do not want to see your jaw working every time the camera’s on you.
I am having a resurgence of love for Edward Norton. He’s just so adorable.
OMG. Ethan’s brownish suit is giving me total Reality Bites vibes and I LOVE IT.
Kevin looks quite sharp in white.
From left to right: THE ROCK!, Pacey and Diane, Jen and her man, Jen and Emma AKA the best thing ever and the always hot Tatums.
Just look at Pacey and Diane staring into each other’s eyes. OMG. Best.
Photos from Pop Sugar and http://www.oscar.go.com – they’re not mine, with no intention to claim copyright.